• The Darkened Corridor

Haunted items on Ebay

The economy is screwed. A statement most likely true wherever you happen to live in the world. It seems like the cost of goods is just shooting up at a rate far outstripping how quickly money is falling into our pockets. All this anguish has had a huge effect on the prices from one key international business. One which we can ill afford to do without. That’s right friends, the Ebay haunted item section is suffering terribly from inflation.

Gone are the days you could drift on and bid-snipe a dybbuk box for less than a bargain bucket for one. Long since passed are the days when you could get your own Annabelle or Chucky without breaking the bank.

A Glance at Haunted Ebay Etiquette

If you’re thinking of flogging your haunted objects on Ebay, there are a few rules you need to consider:

No item is off limits

When it comes to haunted items on Ebay, you can literally pop anything on. A necklace you found in an abandoned house? Sell it. A ring you stole from a freshly buried corpse? Flog it. A bracelet from your dear sweet Mother-in-Law? Sell it on Ebay. But there is one thing which stands head and shoulders above the rest in terms of Ebay’s haunted objects - dolls.

There is something a little creepy dolls. Perhaps it’s their close approximation to human beings which makes them so. Whatever it is, they’re the go-to for the ghostly collector.

What vibe is your item giving off?

Whenever you sell anything on Ebay, you have to make sure that your description is clear, lest you risk your 100% seller feedback. So, when you list your haunted trinkets, you have to let the buyer know what kind of ghost they’re buying in to. I suppose in some ways it turns Ebay into a ghost dating site.You have to find the one that fits you based on the description. Do you want a fun-loving mischief maker who’ll occasionally knock a glass over, or a demon who will emblazon your back with pentagrams and make your life a living hell? To each their own.

A look at the paranormal sweatshop

I don’t quite know how there could be so many haunted objects floating about. Perhaps it’s a subversive commentary on the human condition and our tendency towards materialism in an age where societal pressure has never been harder. Or maybe there are lots of people looking to make a quick buck. Don’t know. Could be either. I’ve risked the inevitable curse and taken a look on the haunted section of Ebay so you don’t have to - I did check first, ebay does also have DIY exorcism kits just incase.

Number 1: Creepy is out the window.

Long gone are the days where haunted items had to look creepy. Spirits have become so much more image conscious since then. Just take a look at this little guy.

CREDIT: paranormal-and-creepy

The description of the item is rather confusing for one key reason: the owner of the hedgehog was apparently a 60 year old man who carried it around everywhere with him. That’s what the first paragraph would have you believe anyway. It then switches to talking about the owner as an old woman, who apparently also loved the hedgehog and had it everywhere with her. Concurrently. But it’s okay, by the end of the paragraph, the man has the hedgehog back and it’s all good.

Seriously, if you’re making up a story for an item, at least stay consistent. I’m sure most of us reading this could easily and comfortably make up a more coherent narrative for why this hedgehog is haunted. You know what? I’ll have a go:

“This hedgehog was owned by Jean Claude Van Dam. He loved it everyday, but lost it sadly on a bus ride around to Tesco. He was heartbroken. A vengeful spirit sensed this and latched onto the hedgehog, possessing it with the sole aim of returning to Sigourney Weaver, who had loved it so much before.”

Better, right?

Number 2: Loot crates and the Mystery Boxes

Perhaps it was inevitable that mystery boxes would reach the haunted item market at some point. I mean aside from the “real” dark web mystery boxes which Youtubers are obsessed with.

But it seems to me that there is another level of gambling to such boxes. I mean, not only don’t you know what you’re getting, you also have nothing else but the seller's word that the item is even haunted. Aside from the obvious issue that science currently strongly disputes that anything can be haunted whatsoever, that seems to me like a gamble which you can only really lose. Keep our game loot box free people.

Number 3: It’s not the item, it’s the spirit that counts

At least with the two items on this list you get a cute bear, or a little doll or something. Hardly worth the value, but it’s something that you could perhaps draw some satisfaction from, spirit or not, right? I’m just glad no one had bought a collection of glass bottles, corks and stuck feathers inside them, before sealing them with wax. I’m just so glad that no one is doing that.

What? They are? Ah, nuts.

CREDIT: Grewalter_0

This particular treat is apparently inhabited by the spirit of a monk or scholar. The seller apparently hunted him down, and trapped him in there. It’s like Pokemon, really - to quote Rick and Morty “Slavery with extra steps”. This spirit apparently hates anyone who is even slightly Norse, which given the small degrees of separation between anyone in the world is pretty much everyone. My favourite part about this description is the disclaimer, written in very small print which reads: “Legally in the UK I have to say that this item is for entertainment purposes only.” Having worked on a Paranormal TV show, I'm fairly confident that you only have to put this as a disclaimed because of OFCOM, but if anyone knows any different, I'd be glad to hear it.

A Final Question, and Clarification

I don’t mean to belittle products like these. Whilst I myself don’t believe in ghosts, I realise that there are many for whom these items could bring comfort, and to whom these items have the potential to be legitimate. But therein lies the problem, the potential. If you look at the hefty mark-up on these items just because they apparently have a ghost in, you can see why people who believe in ghosts may be easy to exploit. Simply potter down to the local thrift store, pick out some bears and dolls, and make up a quick story about them, and you’re away.

My final question though is, to those of you who do believe in ghosts, have you ever bought a haunted item from Ebay? What was your experience with it? Let me know.