New Destroy All Humans announced at E3 - Why I can't wait!
Updated: Jun 9, 2019
Back in 2005 on Halloween, I had spent the last week talking to my friend, the only one who lived locally since we were in a tiny village, about how we were going to go trick-or-treating. Since i’d never been before, I was excited. I wanted so many sweets that my mouth dried up, blistering from the self inflicted sugary hell. We’d decided we would cycle to the next village over, some three miles or so away and start at one end, working our way back towards our own village, and finishing up with a huge bag of sweets, and probably an impending sugar-induced coma.
I was almost all set to go, i had a faceless mask of only the best quality, since it came from Poundland, which British people and viewers of Ashens on Youtube (If not, check him out, he’s a really funny guy) will know is a synonym for absolute garbage.
With just a couple of hours to go, I was looking for a way to pass the time. I’d recently just got Destroy All Humans! for the PS2 on the back of playing a demo on one of those demo CD’s that you used to get with Playstation Magazine. Remember those? I’d popped the disk in, fired up Cryptosporidium 137’s flying saucer, and began harvesting the brains of the people of the United States of America. Mostly by anal probe.
The time came to go trick or treating. Something I had been so psyched for was now an obstacle in my quest to harvest brains and defeat Silhouette. I had to do something. Did I be a bad friend, miss out on all the sweets to play the game, or go and have to get back into the game later? I know what I should have done. When my mum came up to tell me my friend was here, I let me instincts make the call. I muted the game quickly and stayed silent, pretending to be asleep.I’m a very heavy sleeper- having even slept through an earthquake once, so it was entirely believable that I would sleep through some shouting and knocks on the door. I waited in silence, quietly anal probing my way through the game, until I heard the reassuring noise of the front door shutting. I’d done it. Halloween 05 was all mine.
In my defence, I never claimed to be a good person, and I was entirely besotted with the game I was playing. But what was it about that game, and today’s E3 announcement that Destroy all Humans will be remade and released in 2020 that got me so excited? Here’s my reasoning:
More than just a meme, aliens have always been a fascination of mine. I 100% believe that there are little green spacemen (not necessarily little, green, or men) out there. Whether we’ve been visited by them, i’m much less inclined to believe. Nevertheless, the idea of aliens still provides a great backdrop for any game. It’s not always the way, but games tend to be about aliens invading, where you play as the people. Boo says I to that, I’ve had 26 whole years as a human why would I elect to be one in a game.
The aliens in the Destroy All Humans! Series, the Furons are of particular interest. You see, incase you haven’t played it Crypto, your main alien, is a clone since the Furons are finding it hard to reproduce on their own. They’re down on Earth to gather dormant Furon DNA from humans to help preserve the species. Crypto is all-in-all fun to play as. It’s great to cause a little havoc in cold-war era USA.
Don’t get me wrong. I loved the guns in Destroy All Humans! They did everything I wanted them too, well - until the sequel introduced the Burrow Beast Gun. PK or Psychokinesis is what really made the game though. There was nothing more fun than running around and throwing people, trucks, cars, cows, all over the place. Now, because of the E3 announcement, we can all look forward to doing it in glorious high definition!
The saucer is both really good and rather bad. Soaring around the skies, using the abduction beam to swing things around like a yoyo is really fun. I could do it for hours. I probably have. As well as this, the sounds the Sonic Boom and Quantum Deconstructor make is just sublime. Or maybe that’s just me.
One the flip side though, I always felt that the saucer was a little too squishy. It seems to take an awful lot more damage a lot quicker than I would like. I get that that is to increase difficulty, but if i’m just pratting about with a death ray, I want to take down as much of the town -which will respawn anyway- as possible before being blown to pieces.
I wasn’t going into Destroy All Humans! Expecting the gaming version of Citizen Kane. I didn’t get it either. What I did get though was a whitty adventure that set out to fulfill the titular promise. But there is a story there, and it’s the right level of engaging to keep the game feeling coherent, but not enough to make us forget that this is a light hearted game about destroying the human race.
The way it looks
I know 2005 was quite late on in the life cycle of the PS2, indeed the PS3 was released the following year, but that doesn’t detract from how nice the game looks. It’s very bright and colourful with a wide variety of landscapes to check out. I agree that there could have been more variety in the people walking around each town you visit, but if you’re going to disintegrate them anyway, who cares!
The best looking model in the game though is obviously Crypto, after all you'll be looking at him for most of the game. There’s been a lot of work done in designing him. He’s loosely based on the “grey alien”, the stereotypical kind with a big head and a little body. Crypto’s textures are really quite nice though, particularly in his eyes.
Are you as excited with the E3 announcement that there will be a Destroy all Humans! Remake as I am? Let me know!